Pumpkins in Plainfield Part II

I remember
in the dark

touches like snakes
phantom fangs

but contact nonetheless


and now
on this
my only festival

they prance
in catsuits
at my bars
flaunting reprieve
before dying eyes

half-moon smiles dancing
across goddess faces
taunting me
as if my pain were some kind of joke

and all I can do is smile back


For this is Halloween...

(A horror beyond all reckoning)

...



Note: The first edit of this was really, really bad. And silly. Sorry about that.

The Middle Kid

Bob and Susan Gray had three children: Alec, Billy, and Charles. Alec was the oldest and the most talented. He could score many football touch downs and the young girls all thought he was dreamy to the max. Charles was the youngest, a darling baby, with smooth skin and big green eyes. All the family would come over and stare at Charles for hours on end. Just admiring his baby cuteness and altogether baby charm.

Billy was the middle kid. They locked him in a closet.

As Alec became older, he went to college, studied law and became a partner at his firm. He had sex with many prostitutes, even though he was married to a supermodel from Brazil. Generally, he would drink expensive drinks on his yacht and invite all of his old college buddies to admire the sexy women he surrounded himself with. Charles went on to high school and became quite the football player as well. All the girls loved him too and he dated the head cheerleader. He also won several awards for his art, which was inspired heavily by Picasso.

They moved Billy from the closet to a refrigerator. It was in the basement.

Alec died in the middle of having sex with many prostitutes. Charles died after a woman obsessed with his art stabbed him in the neck with a steak knife while he was eating dinner in Chicago.

Billy was still in the refrigerator, although he was now bones and lived in the junkyard. His body was found by a local homeless man, who was scrounging through the trash. Billy made national news and became world famous.

The world's most famous boy skeleton. The middle kid of the Gray family.

Oh, Miranda!

On this
island
the wind whispers
obscenities too

and the tempest pulls in ships
and revenge still creeps on like a virus

but here

I am not the only slave

We Interrupt This Diary of A Spaghetti Dominatrix For A Paid Advertisement From "The Cheese Mistress"

Yes, I get off on

turning my slaves into cheese.

Want some Parmasan?

Black Hole of Nothingness

Dave Grazer straightened his tie, tilted his hat, hefted his briefcase and walked toward the black hole of nothingness. He had often been warned not to go into the black hole, even as a child. His mother said, "Don't go into the black hole. If you do, God will kill you." But other kids had gone in the black hole, and they turned out fine. They would drip out of the sky, cocooned in slimy armor, wires fraying from their heads, bright red gashes ripped into their asses. But they seemed ok. They seemed at peace with their mangled noses and glassy eyes full of wonder and vacancy.

Dave decided he was tired of being in middle-management, so he figured the black hole couldn't be so bad. He dipped his foot in, felt the piercing blackness swallow it up. Then he changed his mind. He didn't want to go into the black hole anymore. But his foot had already went in. So when Dave retracted his foot, it was no longer there. Phantom toes wiggled, but no foot. Just a clean, surgical cut. No blood, just like his leg was tofu.

A couple of minutes later, Dave's toes dropped from thin air. Bleeding from a purple tear in the sky, his toes trickled onto the pavement, pieces of his Italian loafers still grafted on. The toes wriggled on the ground like dying worms, many neon colored wires jutting, stamps of strange alien tongues on the toenails.

Dave hobbled over to his toes, scooped them up and put them in his pocket. He decided he'd listen to his mother from now on.

But she WAS wrong about the portal to Hell. It wasn't quite as hot as he'd expected.

Philip Overby

*originally posted at The New Absurdist

Diary of a Spaghetti Dominatrix: Chapter 3

There's barbed wire hidden

inside each meatball I throw

at his hawt hiney

Diary of a Spaghetti Dominatrix: Chapter 2

He coos like a dove

when I shove raw Barilla

where the sun don't shine.

Preorders close tomorrow night!

Get your signed copies now or get 'em never, because after tomorrow night I stop taking preorders for Jimmy Plush and stop selling copies of Life During Wartime and Archelon Ranch. Bizarro fans will regret not being able to own one of what might someday be a collector's item. Just scroll down and you'll find all the Paypal buttons on the right side of the page. Click 'em and you get a book. It's that easy.

Diary of a Spaghetti Dominatrix: Chapter 1

I boil the pasta,

pour it over his face, then

scream: "Spaghetti Head!"

The Kafka Machine (or Ode to a Harrow)

----------------------

The Machine was beautiful
sleek
and silver-silk

its blades so sharp
they drew your conscience
along with blood

all cogs working
in military unison
for the betterment
of the victim

The Machine
spat out
things
not quite human

things devolved
fleshless
sublimely suffering

but still alive


And that was all that mattered