Sunday, December 6, 2009

A Day In the Life of Chewbacthulhu

Chewbacthulhu braids his tentacles with tufts of his greasy brown fur. "Good hair day!" he roars, prancing around the mirror. Then he bursts into a song written for him (in the third person)by Marvin Hamlisch:

"Chewbacthulhu's too sexy for his wings.

Too sexy for his wings.

They're vestigial things.

He's a model, you know what he means?

It means he shakes his tentacles on the cat walk.

On the catwalk. On the catwalk, yeah. It means he shakes his furry glutes on the
cat walk."

Then he goes off to a photo shoot in Paris (Kentucky).

After a long day of mugging for the camera, he falls asleep dreaming of his own shaggy rump. (Why not, everyone else is?)

Chewbacthulhu wakes only to find himself shaven bald. Each of his luscious tentacles has been nailed to the ground. Marvin Hamlisch is holding a hammer and grinning. The sick fuck. "Bad hair day!" he snarls. "Ha ha ha ha ha! Bad hair day! Bad hair day!"



  1. As a fan of both Chewy and The Cthulhu... I like this too...

  2. Chewy and Cthulhu are OKAY, I guess, Ash...but I really wrote this one to cater to my fans who were demanding more Marvin Hamlisch fan fiction. I now it is certainly a well-worn trope. But the inclusion of Chewbacthluhu was just the clever twist I needed to make it seem vaguely original (and therefore possessing some literary merit).