EAR MEAT

He never should have pissed me off, but he did.

My stupid brother Marty was always being a bully, beating me up, breaking my toys and spitting on me when my mom wasn’t looking.

I hated his guts and swore that one day when I was big enough I was going to go ballistic on his ass. And that day came one afternoon when my mom had vanished for a while, like she sometimes did. Marty knew where mom hid her extra cash in her bedroom and decided to cop some of it for take-out Chinese food, since there was nothing in the house to eat but a few stale croutons. Marty called and had the food delivered but when the food came, smelling all good and yummy, he wouldn’t let me have any. When I tried to grab a Chinese chicken wing, he punched me in the eye and I went slamming into the wall with vision blurred and head spinning.

By the time I was seeing straight again, Marty was pretty much done eating and started throwing slimy chicken bones at me, laughing like the demon prick he was.

My head still hurt, my stomach was empty and I guess that’s why I did what I did.

I charged the table, faster than he expected and snatched up one of those wooden chop stick things. I meant to stab him in the eye with it, but he turned his head at the last second and the stick plunged into his ear instead.

Marty got this surprised look on his face and then fell off his chair with a loud thump. He never made a sound.

I looked down, still holding the chop stick in my hand. It was covered with blood and something that looked meat, all drippy gooey and juicy.

I sniffed the stuff and thought it smelled pretty good, so I stuck the tip of my tongue on there for a little taste.

That ear meat was freaking delicious! So good, in fact, that I sucked that chop stick clean and then went and stabbed Marty in his other ear as hard as I could, just to get some more of that yummy ear meat. I even dipped it in some left over soy sauce and it was even better!

Marty never should have fucked with me so much, but now I’m kinda glad he did. I’m eyeing his eyeballs now and wondering if they’ll taste like warm stuffed mushrooms.

Octo-Jack

Jack was born pink and healthy, with two legs and six arms. His mother was a religious nut who refused to get his extra arms removed because she thought God must have wanted him to be a freak.

All of his arms were perfectly formed, though without shoulders they could only be bent at the elbows and wrists. His mom had to sew all his clothes herself until Jack was big enough to learn to sew himself. Then he did it twice as fast.

Little Jack had a hard time in school. All the kids teased him, calling him Octo-Jack, and even the teachers treated him like he was a monster, saying that he should just drop out and join the circus.

He couldn’t understand why no one could see his extra arms as a blessing. He could do his homework, draw a picture, scratch his nose, talk on the telephone and give his dog a bath all at the same time.

Once he became a teenager, it was very difficult for Octo-Jack to get a date. Until the day a friend of his mom’s made her daughter go out with him. Good thing for Jack, the girl was a slut and, after a few beers, gave him a piece the very first night. The next day, it was all over the school. All the girls suddenly wanted to be Jack’s girlfriend. He was forever after known as the best lover east of the Mississippi, and to this day is the orgy king.

Jack prevailed against all the odds. He graduated school at the top of his class and now he’s the drummer in my band. Man, you should hear him pound those skins. He wails them like no other. We’re gonna be huge rock stars and it’s all thanks to my good friend Octo-Jack.

A Toast to Perdition

(old, old poem)


Father forgive me, for I have stood akimbo beneath the falling sky

The son as my witness, the spirit in synapse,
I am the serpent with a dove in his gut

Blasphemy by any other name would surely be just as beautiful





~ Ash Lomen

Verona Revisited

She knew he was trouble. He was, after all a rogue elephant. He didn't march to the beat of the same drums as the other elephants, no sir. He wore greasy black hair, a greasy black leather jacket and he rode on a greasy black Harley in the blackest, greasiest parts of town. He was everything she had dreamed of, the kind of elephant that had no remorse crushin' clowns and stomping ringmasters into the dirt. He was the kind of elephant every chick wanted to be her ever-lovin' elephantfriend. With his swollen elephanthood he had made her his woman and when you're a rogue elephant's woman, there's no turnin' back.

But her daddy didn't approve. Too much man, too much elephant. He put on his favorite pith helmet and monocle and loaded up his favorite elephant gun and waited for the elephant that had taken his little girl away from him. He caught them in the throes of passion and to show her the price for disobeying his wishes, he shot the punk then and there. But it ain't wise to shoot an elephant when he's on top of your daughter. Elephant/girl sex is an intricate balancing act that took a lot of concentration and no small knowledge of anatomy to execute. When the elephant went down, he tumbled onto his lady, crushing her to death. Her daddy was full of grief and adopted a gorilla to replace his daughter, a gorilla that grew up knowing that her father accepted all of her choices. Funny this is he was right about the elephant all the time: he'd been in it for the money.

Scheiße Höschen

Had tits you could swan dive off of, she did
Drank and belched like a man, she did

Wanted to teach her how to love, I did
Instead, taught me how to say shit panties, she did

Inside (edit) now Redworks

"Redworks"

we shed our clothes as dutiful lycanthropes
and roll
thrashing
into bed

fucking and clawing
our skins shed
like past sins

hearts exposed
and beating



-------

'09

SCOOBY BOO BOP

Now I know you have heard of a cat clock but have you ever heard of a clock cat? They do exist—at least one does because I knew her quite well back where I used to live. Her name was Scooby Boo Bop and she was pretty and pink with gray spots on her paws. Scooby Boo Bop had a happy life living with the old lady who took care of her. But then the old lady died and Scooby Boo Bop was left alone to fend for herself.

She had to learn to sing and dance on the streets for her supper and usually spent the nights sleeping in dumpsters and hiding from nasty dogs
.

One day a man came. He seemed nice, fed her tuna fish and scratched her neck but when she wasn’t looking he snatched her up. She fought as best as she could but since she had no claws, poor Scooby Boo Bop was doomed!

The man took his new prize back to the laboratory in his basement and he put Scooby Boo Bop in a cage and stuck a needle in her neck. Scooby Boo Bop yowled in agony and rage but then fell fast asleep.

When she awoke, she found out that her whole insides had been replaced with a Mickey Mouse clock! On one side was the face, with Mickey pointing out the time and on her other side were the wind-up keys.

She knew her guts made up the gears of the clock—she could feel something twitch every time she ticked.

The man thought it would be great to have a living alarm clock. At first he wanted to put a clock in a dog but decided that waking up to barking wouldn’t be the most pleasant thing in the world. A cat’s meow would be a much nicer sound to hear in the morning, even more so than a rooster! So, he put his plan into action and all that was required was that the owner of the clock would have to keep the cat in the bedroom with them. Otherwise, the cat could roam anywhere and not be within earshot at wake up time.

What he didn’t count on though, was that the cat might not take too kindly to being turned into an alarm clock. And, once meowing in the morning, would not stand still to be shut off.

The man had to get out of bed and chase Scooby Boo Bop all over the bedroom for half an hour before he was finally able to capture her and stop the meowing alarm.

His wife was particularly annoyed by this rude awakening and as soon as the man went to take his shower, she grabbed Scooby Boo Bop and threw her out the window. It turns out that time doesn’t literally fly but it does indeed land on its feet.

The man lived the rest of his life in shame, as a failed inventor, and Scooby Boo Bop ran away to join the F.B.I., finding a job at Quantico as a timing device used to teach new recruits about bombs. It’s a dangerous job but Scooby Boo Bop loves it and can now afford to buy all the tuna her little ticking heart desires.