Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Jack was born pink and healthy, with two legs and six arms. His mother was a religious nut who refused to get his extra arms removed because she thought God must have wanted him to be a freak.

All of his arms were perfectly formed, though without shoulders they could only be bent at the elbows and wrists. His mom had to sew all his clothes herself until Jack was big enough to learn to sew himself. Then he did it twice as fast.

Little Jack had a hard time in school. All the kids teased him, calling him Octo-Jack, and even the teachers treated him like he was a monster, saying that he should just drop out and join the circus.

He couldn’t understand why no one could see his extra arms as a blessing. He could do his homework, draw a picture, scratch his nose, talk on the telephone and give his dog a bath all at the same time.

Once he became a teenager, it was very difficult for Octo-Jack to get a date. Until the day a friend of his mom’s made her daughter go out with him. Good thing for Jack, the girl was a slut and, after a few beers, gave him a piece the very first night. The next day, it was all over the school. All the girls suddenly wanted to be Jack’s girlfriend. He was forever after known as the best lover east of the
Mississippi, and to this day is the orgy king.

Jack prevailed against all the odds. He graduated school at the top of his class and now he’s the drummer in my band. Man, you should hear him pound those skins. He wails them like no other. We’re gonna be huge rock stars and it’s all thanks to my good friend Octo-Jack.

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