Fred's dog couldn't stop scratching its back. The doberman said, "Please Fred, do whatever you have to to stop this irritating itch."
Fred put his paper down. "No problem buddy."
He returned to the living room with a military-issued flamethrower. He fired it up and threw flame on the still-itching doberman. The dog squealed as it rolled around the carpet, eventually extinguishing the massive blaze.
Now hairless, the doberman's itch had been eliminated.
Fred smiled as he sat back down and watched the dog nibble its testicles.