(from the "Truth or Dare" game at BC... I think this story rocks)
"Normal" by Edmund Colell
I am normal, thinks Rex Edward. And so is my wife. We are not deviants.
His thoughts muffle and turn off as he listens to the moaning, groaning, and mooing above him with each vocal sound punctuated by bed springs squealing and headboards banging. His heart rockets to his throat and he begins shouting, “Ugh! Oh yeah! God the corn bits in your ass feel so good on my cock!” he then slaps his arm and says, “Oh God, oh fucking God, I just want to tear up that ass in my teeth and suck up the blood that runs down your pussy!”As he shouts these words he looks out the window, turning back as rubber-suited and vibrator-baton-wielding police goosestep along the sidewalk by the crumbly block at the base of the apartment complex, where Rex takes shelter under the better-maintained floors taken by the more sexually-adventurous tenements.
After the rubber police pass by, he puts his hands together and prays: “Oh Ha-cack, Lord of the Limp Penis, why have you forsaken your people?”
Mrs. Edwards walks out from their bedroom, fully naked. “Stop it, Rex. Ha-cack is dead and we as a society have killed him.” She then sniffles and rubs her breasts with one hand while rubbing her clitoris in a circular motion with the other. “Now please, you need to fuck me as hard as you can just this once or we will be evicted.”
“But we were going down to the beach today, remember?”
She quickly walks over to him and shoves her breasts in his face. “Shut up,” she hisses, “and fuck me.”
As Rex puts his face in his hands, she opens a box labeled “EMERGENCY” where she withdraws a plastic-packaged syringe and a bottle of solution. Ripping the packaging open she draws five milliliters of solution and flicks out the air bubbles. “Take off your pants, Rex.”
He sighs and undoes his fly, then slides his boxers down. He then swallows and says, “I’m ready, Lupita.”
Lupita takes his penis in hand and shoots the solution into a penile vein as soon as she finds one, then watches Rex’s subsequent erection. “C’mon,” she says as she pulls him up from the chair by the collar, “we don’t have much time.”
“Can’t we at least light a candle, first?” Rex asks, and Lupita slaps him.
Over the course of several minutes Lupita beats the headboard with both hands and reaches over several times to knock lamps and other breakables off of the nightstand. “C’mon, bite me!" her head wails, "Scratch me! Oh Christ, stop with the gentle kissing and touching and give me some bruises! Turn me over! Stick it in my asshole! Beg me to call you the ice cream man!”
Soon enough, Rex ejaculates and rolls off of her. “That was pretty good,” he says, “I haven’t had sex like that in a long time.”
Lupita lies there, her face locked and mortified. With a croak in her throat she says, “That’s it? That’s…” her eyes fill with tears and she covers her face in her hands as she starts to sob. Between rasping breaths, she says, “You… sack of shit!” as she gets up and slips into her fishnet outfit to walk outside, face still covered by her hands. A second after she closes the door, she thrusts it open to say, “When they give you the acid I hope it fucking hurts!” and slams it again.
Rex sits up, dumbfounded and feeling the blood slowly drain back into his body before sinking into his stomach. However, that scene doesn’t make his stomach drop as quickly as the subsequent vision does: a trio of rubber police outside, beating Lupita with their vibrator batons and masturbating. Several others storm into the apartment complex, and they bash down the door with a butt-plug battering ram. Rex throws-up his hands and shouts, “I swear I’ll fuck her harder! I swear I’ll fuck -- ”
His plea is cut-off by a ball-gag being inserted into his mouth and the rest of his body being tied-up with clothes lines before a leather hood is placed over his head.
When he wakes-up and the hood is taken from his head, he finds himself in a room with a gray-haired man wearing only a thong with a pouch for his dick, with the rest of his body covered in cherry-scented oil. “Are we awake, Mr. Edward?” he asks.
Rex scrunches his eyes and nods, tears forming in the eyelids.
The old man giggles and says, “That is good. My name is Mr. Hector. Or,” he pulls on a bull mask with a D-ring joining the nostrils, “you may call me The Prime Steer. And boy-oh-boy am I going to fill you up with the best artificial insemination you will ever get impregnated by.”
Rex’s eyelids peel far away from each other and his jaw drops as he watches The Prime Steer pull a dropper from a case behind him.The Prime Steer giggles and says, “Oh yes, I believe you know what this is, Mr. Edward. This is lysergic acid, or LSD. If you have been a good citizen until now, you should know that this is going to be execution by acid. We dope you up until your brain melts, then once you see nothing but hallucinations we will put battery acid in your eyes and allow you to die with nothing to comfort you but the images in your brain.”
Rex gulps and jerks his head back and forth as The Prime Steer pulls the ball gag back far enough to shove the bottom of the dropper into Rex’s mouth and squeeze off a few hits. Rex, feeling the drops hit his mouth and the mucous disappear, slowly watches the walls breathe, calming down as he synchronizes his own breathing with theirs.
“Tell me how you feel, Mr. Edward,” says The Prime Steer as he begins to rub under his pouch.
“I feel dry,” Rex replies.
The Prime Steer stops touching himself and walks over to smack Rex. “Don’t be so goddamned plain about it. You’re killing my new stiffy.”
Rex shakes his head and sees the bull-head, with the rest of the body morphing into a collection of fleshy knobs. “Ha-cack! I knew you had not left me!”
“Ha-cack?” asks The Prime Steer.
“Lord of the Limp Penis, defender of those who have boring sex, patron of the Missionary position!”
“You disappoint me, Mr. Edward. Let us skip right along to the battery acid…”
Suddenly the intercom breaks out by saying, “Sudden influx of inactivity, Prime Steer. We’ve reached a critical mass of sexual boredom. Hell, even I can’t get wet!”
The Prime Steer freezes at the news and realizes that his entire groin has started to recede into his body. He then whips the ball gag from Rex’s face and stuffs it down his own throat.
Many hours later, as the effects wear off, Rex pulls himself up with his body still tied to the chair, and he steps over the bloated blue corpse of The Prime Steer whose last spurts from erotic asphyxiation have puddled on the floor. He spies a knife on the counter, smeared a little with blood. From erotic knifeplay, he figures as he saws through the clothes lines. Outside, he sees that everyone is sitting on the sidewalks, listless as they flop their penises around and pick at the lips of their dry vaginas.
With a smile, Rex turns to the sky and shouts, “Ha-cack o-lye!” which translates to “Ha-cack blocks all!”