I was supposed to go to work today but instead I bought a gun.
I’ve been using it to scratch the side of my nose and push the buttons on the remote control. I press the grip against my forehead and cheeks, enjoying the cool metal against my hot skin. I even managed to pop the cap off my beer bottle with it.
I’m wondering what else I can do with this gun. Plant a flower in the muzzle? Hammer nails into the wall and hang a pretty picture? Use the sight as a crude letter opener?
Yeah, my hand and this nice shiny gun seem to be welded together now. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I need to wipe my ass…
I can’t think of too many more things to do with this here gun. I guess I could go outside and try to shoot a hole in the sun, pretend it’s the boss’ face. Or maybe I should just go to work after all.